I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
