Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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