Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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