I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
