DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize