those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
