I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
