Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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