I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
