we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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