Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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