And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
