...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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