every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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