if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
