yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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