I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
