Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
