my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
