Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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