Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
