She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So many bounce houses so little time
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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