PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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