She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize