Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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