Sry I called you an 8
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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