do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I cockslap morals
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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