We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
