What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
