I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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