he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
