I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
