Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
