weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize