God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
