i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
