Your face is a jimmy john
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We have started to decorate penises.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
