And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
