There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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