Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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