Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
