I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
