the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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