I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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