I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
