I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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