no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
