I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
