there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
