You smell like a Billy Joel song
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
