Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
