I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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