just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
