Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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