It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
