I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
