Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
