My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
