i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
