I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
