i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
