his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
