I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
