Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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