Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
