I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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