What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
