Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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