So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
