I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
