broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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