When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
