just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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