return my video game
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
