one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
