just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize