I think I won the penis lottery.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
