An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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