my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
