brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
