Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i think i just lost a toe
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
