Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
