We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
